Funny Valentine's Day Status Ideas

My bed is my Valentine. We're totally committed.

Happy Valentine's Day to me, myself, and I. We're all very happy together.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm spending Valentine's with Netflix, how about you?

I'm in a relationship with food. It's delicious and never disappoints.

All you need is love. But a little chocolate doesn't hurt either.

This Valentine's Day, remember: You can't spell 'disappointment' without 'date.'

I love you more than pizza. And that's saying a lot.

Roses are red, my face is too. That only happens when I'm around you.

Valentine's Day: The one day it's socially acceptable to give people chocolate and expect something in return.

I don't need a Valentine. I need a nap.

My love language is sarcasm.

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone except my ex.

I'm a catch. My problem is I'm fishing in the wrong pond.

I love you like Kanye loves Kanye.

Being single on Valentine's Day is not a big deal. Being single every day is the real tragedy.

My wallet is crying at Valentine's Day prices.

Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than dinner for two.

Valentine's Day forecast: Cloudy with a 100% chance of wine.

Who needs romance when you have pizza delivery?

Love is in the air? Wrong. It's WiFi. I'm connected to WiFi.

Valentine's Day: A day to remind single people they're single.

The only heart I trust is the one made of chocolate.

Relationship status: Made dinner for two. Ate both.

I'm so glad I don't have to find another weirdo to spend the rest of my life with. I already found mine.

Love is sharing your Netflix password.

You had me at 'I'll bring food.'

Forget the butterflies. I feel the whole zoo when I'm with you.

I love you even when I'm hungry. That's real love.

My favorite position? On the couch, watching rom-coms alone.

Valentine's Day is just a countdown to cheap chocolate day.

I'm not single. I'm just romantically challenged.

Cupid called. He wants his arrows back. Apparently, I'm hopeless.

In a committed relationship with avoiding commitment.

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably crap.

My heart says chocolate and wine. My jeans say, 'please, for the love of God, no.'

I love you more than I love my phone. Don't tell my phone.

Happy Valentine's Day! Remember, statistically, you can't be alone forever.

Romance is dead. I heard it's buried next to my dating life.

If you're alone on Valentine's Day, just remember: so is my bank account.

Every pizza is a personal pizza if you believe in yourself and are alone on Valentine's Day.