Funny New Year Status Ideas

New Year, same me. Just shinier.

My New Year's resolution is to stop procrastinating. I'll start next year.

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.

This year I resolve to remember what I came into this room for.

New Year's resolution: 1080p. No wait, 4K.

My only resolution this year is to be more awesome than last year. Shouldn't be too hard.

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

I'm going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow.

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions.

New Year, new me... let's see how long that lasts.

365 new days. 365 new excuses.

I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.

My New Year's resolution is to help all my friends gain 10 pounds so I look skinnier.

This year I'm going to start believing in myself. Just kidding, I'm going to keep Googling everything.

Dear new year, please be nice to me.

I can't believe it's been a whole year since I didn't become a better person.

My New Year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half full with either rum or vodka.

New Year's is just a holiday created to sell champagne and disappoint gyms in February.

Resolutions are like gym memberships: exciting at first, forgotten by February.

I'm going to stop making New Year's resolutions. Starting... well, you know.

This year I will finally figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

My resolution is to have no resolutions and I'm already succeeding.

Cheers to a new year of pretending to have it together.

Write it on your heart that every day is the best day of the year. Unless it's Monday.

New Year's Eve party tip: Don't be the person dancing on the table at midnight.

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.

Here's to making more mistakes we can learn from this year!

Jan 1: New Year, new me! Jan 2: Okay, maybe next year.

This year I'm going to be like a phone: charged up and ready to go. At least until 2 PM.

My New Year's resolution is to tolerate idiots. Let's see how long this one lasts.

Last year's lesson: Stop asking if it can get worse. It takes that as a challenge.

This year I'm upgrading my patience to premium.

New Year's resolution: Spend more time with the people who matter. Avoid the ones who don't.

Wishing everyone a new year filled with better WiFi and fewer software updates.

The only resolution I'm keeping this year is my TV resolution. 4K looks great.

New year, new opportunities to pretend I'm an adult.

This year my goal is to accomplish the goals I set last year, which I should have done the year before.

Happy New Year! May your coffee be strong and your Mondays be short.

Plot twist: This year is going to be great.

Out with the old, in with the slightly less old but still lazy me.